Shreddin'!

Last night I pulled out my Shred DVD (that I've only done once before) and I did Level 1. Then I felt like I had more in me so I did Level 2 as well. That was just right for me I believe, doing both levels. Some of the moves are harder. I have weak shoulders, but I can do them and will only get stronger. My aim is to do the video as often as possible now that I've got the machine set up in my room.

Tonight is my last boot camp class before the next session starts. There is a 2 week break and I'm pretty sad about that. Unfortunately there isn't a drop-in class that's even close to comparable on Wednesdays so I'll have to do my own thing.

Goals for the week

I think it's about time I set myself some goals for the week. Need to keep my focus:

**Fitness**

I've been off running for the past week andit's time to get back into it. I also will be giving the Shred video some more time this month.

♠ Tue - 30 min light run, 20 min elliptical, Shred Video
♠ Wed - 60 min Boot Camp class
♠ Thu - 45 min run/stairs, Shred Video
♠ Fri - 60 min Abs/Butt/Thighs fitness class, 30 min stationary bike
♠ Sat - Shred video, 30 min walk
♠ Sun - 90 min run with friends (YAY I've missed this!!!!)
♠ Mon - 30 min elliptical, 30 min weights, Shred video

Also, for my WW's challenge this week we will be getting points for planks, so those will be in there as well as often as possible.


**Nutrition**

♥ Prepare veggie packs for the next 3 days
♥ Have fish for dinner at least once this week
♥ Get the kids to take what they want from the leftover candy bags and throw the rest away
♥ Continue journalling & preplanning. But ... print out the preplanned menu for easier reference


**Other**

♣ Go to WI this week. I haven't gone yet this month and I don't want to forget and have to pay for a missed meeting.

♣ BUY NEW SHOES! Very necessary, see last post.

♣ Exposure therapy - take pics and/or video as often as possible. Will post about this later.

♣ Get my home computer fixed so I don't go insane without it.

♣ Try exercising as soon as I get home from work on the days I don't have classes or a schedule. Alot of early mornings lately have left me very tired late at night and since the morning schedule isn't changing this week then my exercise schedule should. Besides, it will keep me out of the kitchen during "munch" time.

Need New Shoes!

Lately I've been having some trouble with my right foot. Since my last running race it's been bugging me and I at first thought maybe I had just pushed it too hard, or maybe I'd twisted my ankle a bit on some loose gravel or something. Then I began to worry that I had a bigger problem than a minor strain. The inside of my right arch was hurting, alot, and the outside of my right heel (along the achilles kind of) was feeling strained, then I felt some pain on the inside of my right knee. Hmmm, that all makes sense alignment wise. I do have a tendency to roll my feet inwards.

So I went out and bought a pair of insoles from the store with some arch support - but they felt so awkward that I took them out, I knew there was no way I could hard core workout with them in.

I was even too sore to go in another race last weekend (10Km) that I had REALLY been looking forward to.

But ... thanks to this blog .... I was looking back through some older posts (looking for my mojo) and I realized that I've had these runners for 6 months already - and they have an awful lot of miles on them. DUH! Friends had asked about my runners and while I knew I'd had them a while, I figured it was like 3, MAYBE 4 months. I'm so bad for that kind of thing. I wear my monthly disposable contacts for 3-4 months. If you're supposed to do something on a regular basis I just lose track of time and it flies by.

So, even though I shouldn't spend the money, I'm going to get a new pair of runners PDQ! I'm not willing to risk injury. I just wish they were on sale right now :(.

Inner Demons

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever like my reflection. Actually that's wrong, I know I have in the past, but some days why is it that seeing yourself in a mirror or window (or in photos) makes you want to puke.

I'd say in general I'm fairly comfortable with my looks. Sometimes I'll even be feeling really good, then WHAM, one unexpected glance and it's like - who the heck is that?

I had one of those days yesterday.

Got to my fitness class and was actually feeling better than I have in about a week. Then I caught my reflection in the window as we were jogging around the room and it hit me like a brick wall. All I could think was 'why did I leave the house wearing these clothes'. Which was stupid because I've worn the exact same thing before, at the same size, and I've thought I looked pretty good.

What is going on in my head to make me suddenly feel repulsed by my appearance? And why would I allow myself to think of me like that? I don't think of others like that. In fact it's other people who have dressed in fitted workout clothes that didn't have 100% perfect bodies that inspire me and make me feel like if they can be comfortable wearing it, so should I. I can see that people who wear fitted workout wear look better than those in sloppy, loose t-shirts. So why would I suddenly be so judgemental of myself? So eager to cover up?

I think I need to stick my head in a freezer for a few days until it starts cooperating!

No more! I'm putting my foot down, or should I say fork...

I'm all fired up today! Actually it started yesterday. I'm determined to finish this now. I haven't been as accurate with my eating as I should be and I know that is key to losing weight. I exercise alot and the intensity is there, so that's not the issue. I've always known it was food.

I started my meal planning last week and that's been good. Took a few days to really grasp it but now it's going well. I created a spreadsheet in excel and plan out the whole week. Then if there's any changes, I just make them right on the sheet. It calculates my daily totals & weekly totals, and keeps track of my APs.

I've also reverted back to the orgininal WW's plan that first worked for me - the 1*2*3 Success Plan. It had a points range (mine is 18-23) and you can bank points. So if I have 18 pts one day, I can bank 5 points to use another day. You can also bank APs too. This concept always worked for me and since the new plans came out I always struggled with the idea of a points target (mine is 21). If I didn't reach it I felt I failed (you are supposed to reach it as a minimum) and if I went over by a point or two (totally acceptable and part of plan) I still felt like I failed. It just didn't work in my head. It's really all the same idea in the end and I doubt it makes a differene other than it makes ME feel better.

Yesterday the kids and I watched a video from our holidays last year. Talk about motivation. At the time I was feeling OK about my weight (though knew I still had a ways to go). When I look back, I realize I was maybe only 3-5 lbs heavier than I am right now. And looking at that video I am NOT satisfied with how I look, how I move, how I was breathing heavy on a little climb.

Sometimes I tell myself that maybe I'm at a good weight and I should quit this battle. But this was a kick in the face and a clear sign that I am not good at this weight. I still have too much fat around my stomach which is unhealthy (if not unattractive).

So I need to say no more to non-tracking days, no more to unrecorded bits & bites, no more to guessing at points values & measurements.

Planning ....

Things are starting to settle down for me. I've got my big events for the weekend mostly planned (though this dump of snow last night is probably going to mean the cancellation of the soccer tournament). So ... that frees up my mind a bit to get back to some menu planning. I desperately need to get back to that and just having today & tomorrow planned is already giving me a bit of a calming feeling, like life is in order.

My scale is still up today, please let this be PMS. I can't stand the thought of having to battle my way down again. But I will if that's what I have to do. I'm pretty sure I'm ready to abandon this practice of eating some of my APs. I don't like the extra points. Maybe it's a coincidence, but ever since I started that I've been SUPER hungry and end up feeling like I have to fight the urge to eat more. If I wasn't a woman with hormones I think this would be so much easier. There's just so many other factors out there - GRRR.

Oh yeah!!! They just posted the race results and I did better than I thought. I must have misunderstood when they told me my time. It's posted on the results page as 49:04 - 50 seconds less than I thought. WOW! And the top 5 finishers - 3 of them were National Cross Country runners and 2 of them were sub 4 minute mile runners. WOW!

So I don't know what's going on with the scale, actually it's not the scale - it's me - I checked on another scale just to be sure. Monday's weight 153.4, Tuesday - 155.4 (2 lb gain), Wed - 156.4 (another 1 lb gain). I'm hoping it's just hormones or whatever, but it's awfully discouraging. I have dug into the candies a little bit the last 2 days, but I accounted for them and am totally within my points allowed.

This week is challenging with all these candies around. My son's soccer club has a tournament this weekend and I'm in charge of the team food packages - which includes candy bags. I find it very challenging to not dig into them, I LOVE candies! Hopefully I'm sick of them now.

My SIL just announced her Wine Tour weekend with the girls and I plan on going this year. A weekend of being in the sun (aka bathing suits) with a group of women who are all in pretty good shape. I can feel my insecurities coming on already. SO ... I'll just have to work extra hard so I can push those nasty thoughts away and out of my mind.