WOW, Boot Camp was amazing last night! Especially these tricep lifts we did. They way the instructor described how to do it finally hit home with me and I was able, for once, to really target those wobbly wings back there. I can sure feel them this morning.

Still feeling exhausted and desperately need some more sleep. But I feel like I'm turning a corner and I'm feeling more positive than I have in a few days now. I even had the 'out of left field' thought that there's 2 more days left in this month and then November will be my month. Not sure where that came from or why I think November will be the turn around, but it's there. Here's hoping that I'm right. Alot has happened this month and I'm thinking that that is being put behind me and it's time to move on.

Today my husband and I have officially been "together" for 20 years. We met Oct 27th at my high school dance when I was 15 and he was 19. We both liked to jive dance (odd but it was kind of the thing at school at the time) and we were both good. My (male) friend/dance partner had asked him to show us some moves and we were really good together so he asked me to a dance that weekend - neither of us had interest in dating the other. But we went to the dance, had alot of fun, a few slow dances ... and here we are 20 years later! Hard to believe that much time has passed.

Got my bread all made last night - 6 loaves! Baked two - sliced one for eating this week and just wrapped up the other. The other 4 I packaged up and put in the freezer. Except ... in the middle of the night it suddenly dawned on me why I should have shapped them approximately into a loaf before I froze them. But I packaged them flat, so maybe have to make them into buns or something after I defrost. I'm really getting into this make ahead cooking, though I'm far from organized with it yet.

Did a nice walk with the german shepherd Heike last night. Sure is different taking such a big dog - when she sees something that piques her interest I really have to hang on! But she loves to get out and I'm glad to take her.

Someone ... please ... shoot me! I can not believe I gained again this week and am officially just over my starting weight from a challenge I started 8 weeks ago. This is insane! My journal is 100%! I get tons of APs! I've checked, and rechecked my points/journal/APs to make sure I'm not missing something. I'm not undereating either. As far as I can tell I am a WW's poster child right now. And if my measurements mean anything I haven't gained muscle and lost fat. Though I didn't check my body fat from beginning to now - mostly because in that aspect I believe my scale is a liar and very inaccurate.

So VERY frustrating!!!!

Anyhow, did a nice long walk with a friend last night while our boys were at soccer. Walked with her for about an hour and when she had enough I continued walking by myself for another hour. Weather was so nice for a fall night!

Also, my husband picked up 20 lbs of chicken yesterday so when I got home from work I took all the skin off the drumsticks, chopped up some of the chicken breast tenders into stir-fry pieces, and washed up the remaining - then packaged them all up into seperate baggies with varying marinades and stuck them in a freezer. For under $30 I put together 10 (or maybe 11) meals. Gotta love that price!! Made some of my homemade teriyaki -mmm so good and put that in a bunch of them, plus fajita marinade, sundried tomato, spicy thai chili, & honey garlic. My son wants me to do ribs too in the teriyaki.

Have to make some more bread tonight too! Look at me - Miss Domestic :).

So looking forward to lunch today. I love Subway's roasted chicken breast salad (and sandwich), especially with the honey mustard dressing - mmmm. I had leftover grilled chicken so this morning I chopped it up, along with all the salad fixings - and I mixed up a batch of honey mustard dressing using fat free mayo (mmm - so good). I can't wait for lunch!!

Trying hard to ignore the scale reading from this morning and move forward. I did avoid going on it for most of last week and even though that didn't work for me for this weigh in, I think I'll try it for this whole week and see how it goes. I'm getting desperate to try anything - haha.

What a crazy weekend. Felt like I never stopped doing something and it's actually hard to remember everything I did and everyone I saw - haha. I think that's a good thing.

I made bread this weekend, which I haven't done in a long time. A friend of mine, who is also in a financial crunch, said she's been doing that for a while and I thought it was a great idea. It wasn't the healthiest recipe, it was kind of a halfway healthy recipe with oats and some whole wheat flour - but the family liked it. I'm going to seek out some better recipes though and can always make different types. I'd like to freeze some dough and then when you want it you just take it out and leave it in the fridge and I can bake it to have with dinner.

Went to the Women's Show Saturday night. Been going for years and it's always a good time - though I think next time I'll go on Friday like I normally do because the freebies are SO much better. Ran into an old friend who's son went to school/soccer with my son when they were little. He's a firefighter and was part of the firefighter calendar fashion show they had there. So that was pretty cool seeing someone I know doing that.

Also, they had a TOPS booth at the show and I spent a couple minutes talking to the lady there. She gave me some good info but seriously they need to find someone a little more inspiring to man their booth. And when I mentioned that I was thinking of going to my friend that was with me she completely surprised me and said she would be interested in checking it out too. I didn't expect that as I've never really witnessed this friend being interested particularily in health/nutrition/weight loss. So I mentioned it to another friend the next day and she too may be interested. In a way I'm happy these ladies want to come along, but I also had kind of wanted to go into this on my own to get started. Not sure how to explain that - I like the idea of going with friends, but I guess I wanted it to be just about me and not feel like a group activity. The group things are great, but sometimes I feel that if your friends drop off it's almost harder to keep going. Anyhow, I'm happy for them that they want to try this too. I have to phone the lady about it today.

Sunday morning I went out with my "running" group, except I walked with two other ladies this week. I just didn't have it in me to run this weekend and really enjoyed our walk. We went on a different trail and it was quite hilly - also quite slippery and lots of things to trip over so I'm glad I walked.

Sorted out some things with that friendship I ended and stayed up really late writing her back on Saturday night (which will leave me tired for a few days). People have said I'll feel better once it's behind me. Part of me does feel better for getting it out, but it's never nice to end a friendship. Even though I can't be friends with her doesn't mean that I wanted to hurt her feelings - which how do you not when you're telling someone you don't want to be friends with them anymore.

It was hard to do, very, but I've now done the first step to dealing with my "situation". Ending a long time friendship that had gotten kind of toxic. A little afraid of what the fallout will be. I don't doubt there will be some kind of backlash.

I actually wonder how much this situation, and the stress from our current financial situation due to our relatively new company, affects my weight. You always hear that stress can be a factor, but I've always thought that was for "other" people, that I'm stronger than that. But maybe I'm wrong, who knows.

I've never thought of myself as an emotional eater, and still don't. I know that recently my eating has been OK, but yet I'm still not losing, and occasionally gaining - so could it be stress related???

I sent an e-mail to the area coordinator for TOPS. I haven't decided for sure if I'll go or not. She gave me the phone number of the chapter leader for more info. I like the idea of the groups and the "games", I just don't know if it will be what I need. Not sure when I'll decide on this.

I'm feeling so frustrated today. :( I feel like I'm working so hard and just not getting any results. Some days I can suck it up and appreciate all the other benefits of a better lifestyle. Other days (like today) I just want to bang my head against a wall until either it breaks, or I do. This week was pretty darn good, very active and mostly OP. And the 2 days that I wasn't 100% OP, I wasn't way off either. I certainly was within my weekly extra points allowance. So by all means I should be losing.

If it were just a week here or there it wouldn't bother me, but this just keeps dragging on. Obviously I must be doing something wrong - I just can't pinpoint it. ARGH!

I find myself laying blame that I didn't work out last night. Realistically though missing one workout shouldn't make a difference. I was exhausted and knew my body needed the rest, and I stayed OP.

I don't know ... guess I'll just keep plugging away. I DO know what giving up does - it makes me fatter, and I don't want to go there. I'll just have a little pity part for a while :(.

Today is also a bit of a stressful day because I have to face a situation with someone that I've been avoiding for a while now and can no longer avoid. It must be done, but it doesn't mean I have to like doing it. I know what I have to say will hurt her, but it's not fair to leave her wondering what's going on. I need to have the strength to stick to what I feel and be honest.

OMG Yesterday was SO much fun. Went out with the family and some great friends. We took 2 double seater ATVs and 4 dirtbikes and went up some backroads. What a gorgeous fall day and so wonderful to be out with friends, family & fresh air! It was my son's first time out on the trails on a dirtbike and he had two crashes, one where he got pretty banged up. He was taking it easy but experience can sometimes be a bit expensive to obtain. Got in quite a bit of activity though because there was lots of technical areas where most of us had to get off and hike up the steep, rocky terrain (even the dog ☺). Poor hubby bore the brunt of it as he had to keep running down the mountain and bring up the bikes for those of us who didn't have the ability to do so.

I also dragged my butt out of bed early in the morning and went out for a long jog/walk. It was SO foggy, but lots of people were out and I actually really enjoyed myself. I didn't connect with my running girls in time and they had gone to another location, so I was by myself.

I'm really struggling with a few things that I have been pondering. I've been working out - ALOT! I'm not complaining, I quite enjoy it and I really do feel so much better when I'm exercising regularily. And my eating, while far from 100% really hasn't been horrible overall. Yet I'm not losing weight. I've been bouncing within a 4 lb range for a good 6 weeks now. I've had some really bad days, sometimes a couple in a row. But overall it's been decent and I should be at least losing a little. I'm really not sure what is going on.

It's got me thinking that maybe I need to look a bit more at what I'm eating. Maybe it's that I'm not getting enough protein. On my "off" days I know I'm getting very little, if any, protein and no milk (another high protein food). And I've been doing alot of weight bearing activities lately, so maybe I'm not feeding my muscles properly. I'm definitely feeling the effects of my exercise. And I can't buy into the argument that I've gained muscle which weighs more - because I'm not noticing any real change in how my clothing fits, in fact some things I think are a bit tighter. I'm definitely retaining water, every day I have deep grooves at my sock lines. Yet I'm drinking lots of water and I don't think I've changed anything with sodium intake.

It just gets so frustrating at times, though I'm nowhere even close to consider giving up and returning to old habits. Even if I'm not losing weight, I'm not gaining, and I feel great!