Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Scale Anxiety - not success, still in training

WOW, is it ever tough staying off the scale and just trusting myself with the knowledge that I'm OP and doing what I should be doing. I last weighed on my home scale on Friday before my WWs meeting. Today I had to do my WI for the challenge on the WW's board.

I was SO anxious this morning - I felt ill! Made me feel pretty disgusted with myself actually, how I've let that scale determine how I feel. Even when I awoke in the middle of the night I put my hand on my belly and thought, ugh, I bet I've gained about 2 lbs. My stomach is softer. My muscles feel like they're retaining water. And a zillion other negative thoughts raced through my head. Got up this morning thinking "Am I bloated", "do I have to go the bathroom", "can I fit in a short run before work"... CRAZY!

I ALMOST considered not weighing myself today and just using Friday's weight for the challenge, but that wouldn't really be accurate. I was so scared that I would get on that scale, be up a few pounds and just melt. Then I'd pull back the reins and get off of this expirement I'm on with eating a few more points per day.

But .. after some deep breathing and a lot of self talk and mental preparation to tell myself to ignore whatever it said on there ... I finally got on. And stayed the same as last Tuesday's home weigh in. Phewf!

Then came the temptation to step up again, and the temptation to weigh again after I'd been up for 1/2 an hour (just in case I'd dropped a little bit). But I resisted. This is hard!

I can't believe how many times I'm near a scale and feel tempted to step on. And it's only been since Friday morning. Sure I could put it away, but the temptation would still be there. And I'm WAY too resourceful to think that just having it put away would stop me if I truly wanted to weigh myself. There are just too many options out there to get my "fix".

So now it's done and I get my next fix on Friday. I'm really working on seperation from the scale & it's numbers. Pulled out a pair of jeans I wore when I was at goal last. I can't quite do them up yet - but I can see potential, and I can see improvement from the last time I tried them on. Though I did wonder if I had just transferred my obsession from the scale to another form of standard to measure by - hmmmm ??????


syl said...

Hi Heidi!
You recently found my blog and posted a comment - thank you for that! I can relate to alot of what you are saying too.

I too struggle with the scale issue. For me it's not really about the numbers as far as an obsession is concerned, it's more of an accountability thing for me. If I see I am up then I adjust things for that day or then next few days.

I know they say to only weigh yourself once a week to get an accurate number and not to obssess. But I honestly think it's ok, what ever works for you.

I think you are doing an awesome job and I have just found a new blog to add to my favorites!

Keep up the great work!

Heidi said...

Thanks syl. I've had the same thought for years - that it is OK to weigh daily. And I actually still believe that. But I think right now, with this expirement I'm doing of eating a few extra points, I need to stay off of it until (hopefully) that balances out.

syl said...

regarding your lay out, it's quiet simple, I'm not that advanced at all and I seem to have fiqured it out :-)

If you go into my blog and one the top left corner there is a place that says "the cutest blog" click on that and then pick the setting you want.

Once you have done that go into your layout and go to the HTML option and add it as a gadget.

From there once you have picked a background, click on it and it will give you step by step instructions.

hope this makes sence.

I haven't loss any information by doing this.

If you have any questions let me know I'll try and answer them for you!