Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Got a Bug

Well, it's confirmed, I definitely have/had a bug!

I felt mostly OK Sunday & Monday so I was really starting to wonder if it was something I ate, or if I was dehydrated, or maybe it really was just nerves.

When I got home from work yesterday my husband asked if I was planning to run.  Yes, I was ... but on the treadmill!  Nice and close to a bathroom.  No way was I going to risk going out on the roads where there are not even any businessed or parks to duck into.  He suggested we go out to our trail (where there are enough potties) and just do a short run, as we feel.

We ended up doing about 7 Km at a slow pace, with two urgent potty stops.  This was definitely exactly what our muscles needed.  The first half was brutal, my legs felt like steel blocks, but as we returned I could feel the lightness in my step return.  Those recovery runs are tough, but they make a world of difference.

In a way it's nice to know that it was definitely something, not just nerves or food.  This is something that will pass, and hopefully with any luck it won't strike again with such horrible timing.

I'm pretty darn sure our next race will also be a half marathon at the end of April - a little under 6 weeks.  I'd love to do some sort of race between then and now, but I haven't yet found one that works.  I'd especially love to do a 10K soon, but will have to see where I can fit it in.

Until then, I will continue my training, with my sights set on the next half.  Also ..... starting tonight, I will be following the workouts in Jillian Michaels: Making the Cut book.  With no immediate races on the agenda, I will have no concerns about muscle soreness and these workouts will be my main focus.  Time to tone up those muscles and get cut!  Also, to get those pounds coming off again.

I wonder what it will take for me to feel like I "belong" in the running world.  I'm super happy with my times and endurance and truthfully I'm doing way better than I EVER thought I would do - EVER!  I never even thought I'd ever want to do a race at all, never mind a half marathon and actually put in a decent time.  Running started for me as a means to weight loss, and eventually as a social outlet as I joined in a running group.  It's moved so beyond both those things that it's not even funny.  Running = Me.  It is what I am.  My life would not be complete without it, and I also NEED to race.

At the race package pick-up last week, I was standing in line waiting to get my package.  It was a long line, and as you got closer to the table, the line split in two.  10 & 5 K runners to the right, half marathon to the left.  Naturally, I proceeded to the left.  A man behind me leaned over and said, "That's the line for the half.  Are you running the half?".  When I said I was, he said something like "WOW, good for you."

Now, chances are he really just meant it like that.  Chances are he may actually have been impressed, or maybe even inspired that he too (a normal being) could do a half.  But ... I'm standing there, in line behind two women who are tall, thin, and look in amazing physical shape.  In front of them is a man who is also long and lean.  The three of them all looked like how you picture a distance runner.  By comparison I'm feeling VERY short and dumpy ... and inadequate.  Now I know I'm not particularly short - I'm 5'5 1/2", and I know I'm not particularly dumpy.  I also know I'm not an inadequate runner.  I'm a pretty good runner, but when will I accept that?!

Yeah, I kinda felt like the guy on the left ... except shorter.

Why does it take such a simple little (likely harmless) comment, to make me feel so insecure about myself?  Why would I even question it?  I have no reason to believe that I don't belong in this world.  And even if I don't fit the stereotypical profile, who cares.  Just me!  I SO need to get over that.  But that stupid little nagging part of my brain has to wonder why he even questioned the distance I was doing in the first place...

Giveaway to mention:

Running Through Life - Health Anniversary Week - Giveaway #1

Hope everyone is having an awesome day!



Laura said...

Insecurity can bite us when we least expect it. Just keep telling yourself, "I am a runner", eventually your head will accept what is a TRUE statement. You are definitely a runner girl!

Susan (All Things In Moderation) said...

I think you must not be seeing what I [and many others] see when they look at you! I see you as a runner, and an awesome one at that! I soooo envy you!

Suzy said...

I hope you feel better soon. I had something like what you have when I ran my last race and it lasted 2 very long weeks. I hope yours is over with quickly!!

Insecurity about running and belonging can be hard to overcome. You do belong. You do deserve to call yourself a runner. You are great at it. Don't let anyone else question it.

ajh said...

Someone once said they were waiting for the running police to jump out and stop them and say "Wait you're not a runner!" I knew exactly what they meant. I hope I am past that now but I don't think I am completely.

Kyle and Darci said...

I never saw myself as a runner either. I'm getting there though...it's hard! But you have accomplished AMAZING things and sounds like have LOTS ahead of you!! :)

I enjoy reading your blog...I'm glad Syl gave you a shout out! :)

Tamara said...

Heidi: maybe you can stop thinking this way as a public service. Because if you don't feel like you belong, how am I ever going to feel it? Or the next person who's just starting the C25K program?

Repeat after me: You're a runner. A great runner. An inspirational runner!

Say it. See it. Believe it.

Michelle said...

You have accomplished SO much! Don't let that bring you down. Although, when I tell people that I run and they give me the up and down once over, I feel the same way.

But - you are super fast and are doing amazing things! Keep it up!

Missy said...

I think he was just impressed and though you were a little crazy - because only crazy people do half marathons! Now, I've never met you in real life but I've seen pics and you are neither short or dumpy. You are about average height and have a smokin' body!

Alicia said...

You are every bit of what the running community is all about- friendly, supportive, and tough as nails. No need to feel insecure!

By the way, hope you're feeling better today!

Annie, The Amazing Shrinking Girl said...

Just found your blog and gotta say congrats! You've done and are doing an amazing job!

I started about the same weight as you but because I'm so short I still have a ways to go from looking as amazing as you do now!

Sarah said...

I somehow missed this post...I think you are amazing and YOU ARE A RUNNER! I am shorter and dumpier than you and get mad when people are surprised I am a runner. It is bad enough I have to deal with my own insecurities....other people questioning me just plain piss me off. :) Hope your tummy is feeling better!