Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Confessions

I can go on and on about how my running is going.  For me, that's the easy part.  It's just one foot in front of the other ... One Step At A Time.
My eating however has been sliding down a slope at breakneck speed and I fear I'm getting out of control.

Confessions of what I have consumed since last Thursday, when the slide began:

Thursday
  • Didn't pack lunch so had a Subway sandwich for lunch - that's not so bad.  But then had a sweet craving and walked across the street to the store and got a 227g package of Twizzlers red licorice = 750 calories.
  • After work I had a crunch craving and ate a huge bowl of popcorn, plain, but still way more than a serving.   
Friday
  • Oatmeal for breakfast with WAY too many toppings
  • Mexican for lunch - huge bowl of bean soup and green salad not so bad, but most of a basket of deep fried tortilla strips
Saturday
  • Woke up feeling stupid full.  Decided not to eat until I actually "felt" hungry.  That wasn't until about 5:30pm.  I had a bowl of mini wheats cereal. 
  • An hour later my husband called and asked if we wanted to meet him at a restaurant for dinner.  Had chicken lettuce wraps.  Not a horrible choice, but alot of sodium and I felt pretty full afterwards so I must have eaten too much.
 Sunday
  • Had a late breakfast of toasted buns (two) topped with peanut butter and jam.  This day actually wasn't too bad.  My "friend" arrived in the afternoon which led me to believe that may be the reason behind my excessive and unhealthy choices. 
Monday
  • Didn't pack lunch again for work, got Subway again - this is my go to.  Knew that wouldn't be quite enough to sustain me so walked over to the grocery store with the intention of getting a piece of fruit and a yoghurt.  Instead I left with a baggy of party mix (pretzels, nuts, etc.) and some swedish berries. 
  • Went grocery shopping after work and somehow ended up with another bag from the bulk bin with chocolate covered almonds.  Ate most of them on the drive home, then left the last few in my car - which I ate today. 
  • Made a mexican bean soup for dinner (VERY good).  Then hubby came home with more junk again and right before bed I had a Reese's peanut butter cup, a Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookie, and a Riesen (never need a reason to have a Riesen!).
  • Tossed and turned all night from a bloated, sick tummy - plus the feelings of guilt about my eating habits as of late. 
Tuesday
  • Woke up exhausted from lack of sleep.  No time to prepare breakfast OR lunch, or even my morning tea.  Could barely keep my eyes open to drive to work.  Decided to pick up a fat free (wowie) French Vanilla Cappuccino - loaded with sugar and calories.  Then, I was still craving some sort of REAL food, so I went to McDonald's and got a Sausage McMuffin with egg & cheese.  We're looking at over 700 calories for my breakfast alone.
  • Figured I'd just skip lunch because I had more than enough to sustain me.  But then hubby called and asked to meet me for lunch at my favourite place - The Olive Garden.  We rarely ever do lunch together (or a meal out) so I agreed to go.  Ate fairly light, but still felt stuffed.
  • Came home after work determined that if I even felt hungry I would eat something very light.  Then, proceeded to dig into the junk still sitting on the coffee table - 2 Reese's peanut butter cups and 3 Riesens.
  • Followed by a toasted english muffin with peanut butter and jam. 
I feel DISGUSTING!
And terrified!  So out of control and at this point I don't even know if I can stop it.  I'm only hoping by putting this out there that it helps me rein it in.  I can't remember the last time I felt so out of control, certainly not for so long.

After the english muffin tonight, I proceeded to clean out my cupboards & fridges.  Things were getting really disorganized and I had a ton of stuff to be cleaned out and reogranized.  Maybe this will help me????  Maybe it can at least get me back to packing my lunch and preparing more of my own meals.  If I don't need to go out for meals then I shouldn't be tempted to pick up the wrong thing.  I have lots of good food in my house and I need to use it!
Please, let me get things back in control! 
I don't like this feeling ... at all.
Heidi
♥♥♥♥♥

13 comments:

Syl said...

Oh Heidi, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Reading this I could only think of one thing to offer you as advice..could it help if you "prepared and planned" for the day ahead. Sounds like you have alot going on and your time is limited. However maybe taking that few minutes before bed to pack a lunch would help?

I hope you don't take that the wrong way, just thought it may help in the quick grabs here and there to have a planned meal?

Sarah said...

First...those 2 dresses in your last post look great on you!! I especially love the one with stripes.
I go through junk food bouts too. I find it most helpful if I buy a lot of fresh fruits and veggies and have them all washed, cut and ready to eat. That way if I only have a minute to grab something, I have a good chance of grabbing the fruit.
I have an awful sweet tooth...but I let myself have at least one small piece of chocolate each day, guilt free. :)

Fran said...

I hear you, I have those days too but trust me: soon you'll have enough of it. It's in your system to eat healthy and your body/mind will recognize this habit soon again.

Planning your meals a day or maybe a week ahead might help. I always sit down on Saturday or Sunday and plan my dinners. I always lunch at work and eat 2 sandwiches and a salad which I buy there.

Don't worry too much, I'm sure you'll stop this.

ajh said...

I do this too at times. Get back on track and within one day you will feel better. Good luck.

Lynsey said...

It happens. I think just confessing what you've done will help a ton. But yep, plan plan plan. This is a good example of why.

Do you think all that running is making you hungrier? That could be too.

kimert said...

First of all, I applaud you for being so honest. I have been there and done that! But never wanted to tell a soul what I put in my mouth on those awful days!

For me, if I can plan ahead I do so well. I hate journaling but find that when I do I have a better chance at success.

I know you will get back on track and feel better! Good luck!

Tamara said...

Ugh. I know where you are coming from Heidi. The odd bad day is no big deal but why does the slippery slope have to be so swift and steep??? I have no advice to offer that wouldn't sound trite but I can certainly commiserate and send you lots of ((((hugs)))). All I know for sure is ONE DAY of good healthy eating and lots of water will turn this around. One day is all you need to turn the tide. You can do it! Your body deserves it.

And I just looked at the dress post. I love those dresses. They are so cute and both of them look really good on you. Perfect length to show off your gorgeous legs. I thought the pink one was especially girly and pretty. Maybe you wanna go buy the Sally Hansen total manicure in Shrimp Divine???? :) Then we can be all pink and girly together.

Hang in there Heidi. You're awesome and you'll bounce back, I know it!

Susan (All Things In Moderation) said...

It must be the time of year or something, because I am noticing more and more people in the blogshere wrestling with this problem! I, too, have been way too lenient with my "tastes" and "picking" , not to mention all out splurges! What is up? And why is it so hard to get back on track once you fall off? I did pretty good yesterday, and I'm finding that if I can make it through ONE DAY of on track eating, it seems to get the ball rolling again! Try for that one day, see if it works for you! Hang in there Hun! This too shall pass!

destination262 said...

I have definitly felt this way too, I think we all have those times in which we feel like we have eaten too much of something or not eaten enough of something else. For me, I just have to have a clean slate. Maybe today or maybe tomorrow - but go into the day with the attitude that yesterday and the day before and the day before do not matter. Set intentions for the day - I want to eat healthy food .... And as other's have mentioned try to pack your lunch tonight for tomorrow and get a good nights sleep.

A fresh start always does me good. And then I am not focused on all the negative feelings from the days before. Goodluck Heidi you will make it through.

Stephanie said...

I know what you are talking about...it seems like when you start..you can't stop! I get this way at night when I finally have ME time, and I want to watch my tv shows. I end up eating stuff to keep me awake so I can finish my show, instead of going to bed. Bad, bad!

Cammy said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling. One thing that helped (helps) me is to have "approved" items I can purchase when I buy food out. At Subway, I can get the turkey s/w and a yogurt or apple or baked chips. At a convenience store, I can get...fruit or, if desparate, a low-calorie granola bar. Granted, these are my rules and I'm the only one enforcing them (I'm sure Subway wouldn't mind if I ordered those scrumptious cookies at all), but for whatever reason, it works for me to say, "this is the only thing I can buy here." Then after several weeks of doing that, I give myself a luscious splurge, like cake!

Wishing you a shifting back to center soon!

MJ said...

I've been on such a bad eating binge too. Lots of chocolate, too much chex mix. I keep blaming my 'TOM', but that only lasts 1 week....not a whole month. Boo! :( Hope we can both keep our eating under control!

Marcelle said...

Hello am back in the world of blogging!!!

I'm sort of understanding where you are right now as I have had 3 weeks of not eating on plan and now am struggling to get my head around getting back on plan tomorrow...
Its so easy to eat....
Why is eating so nice...
I will be here for you and as I hope you will be there for me as I try get back on track tomorrow....
And its Easter weekend..chocolate time...I struggled with chocolate before I went on holiday - the struggle continues!!!!