My eating however has been sliding down a slope at breakneck speed and I fear I'm getting out of control.
Confessions of what I have consumed since last Thursday, when the slide began:
- Didn't pack lunch so had a Subway sandwich for lunch - that's not so bad. But then had a sweet craving and walked across the street to the store and got a 227g package of Twizzlers red licorice = 750 calories.
- After work I had a crunch craving and ate a huge bowl of popcorn, plain, but still way more than a serving.
- Oatmeal for breakfast with WAY too many toppings
- Mexican for lunch - huge bowl of bean soup and green salad not so bad, but most of a basket of deep fried tortilla strips
- Woke up feeling stupid full. Decided not to eat until I actually "felt" hungry. That wasn't until about 5:30pm. I had a bowl of mini wheats cereal.
- An hour later my husband called and asked if we wanted to meet him at a restaurant for dinner. Had chicken lettuce wraps. Not a horrible choice, but alot of sodium and I felt pretty full afterwards so I must have eaten too much.
- Had a late breakfast of toasted buns (two) topped with peanut butter and jam. This day actually wasn't too bad. My "friend" arrived in the afternoon which led me to believe that may be the reason behind my excessive and unhealthy choices.
- Didn't pack lunch again for work, got Subway again - this is my go to. Knew that wouldn't be quite enough to sustain me so walked over to the grocery store with the intention of getting a piece of fruit and a yoghurt. Instead I left with a baggy of party mix (pretzels, nuts, etc.) and some swedish berries.
- Went grocery shopping after work and somehow ended up with another bag from the bulk bin with chocolate covered almonds. Ate most of them on the drive home, then left the last few in my car - which I ate today.
- Made a mexican bean soup for dinner (VERY good). Then hubby came home with more junk again and right before bed I had a Reese's peanut butter cup, a Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookie, and a Riesen (never need a reason to have a Riesen!).
- Tossed and turned all night from a bloated, sick tummy - plus the feelings of guilt about my eating habits as of late.
- Woke up exhausted from lack of sleep. No time to prepare breakfast OR lunch, or even my morning tea. Could barely keep my eyes open to drive to work. Decided to pick up a fat free (wowie) French Vanilla Cappuccino - loaded with sugar and calories. Then, I was still craving some sort of REAL food, so I went to McDonald's and got a Sausage McMuffin with egg & cheese. We're looking at over 700 calories for my breakfast alone.
- Figured I'd just skip lunch because I had more than enough to sustain me. But then hubby called and asked to meet me for lunch at my favourite place - The Olive Garden. We rarely ever do lunch together (or a meal out) so I agreed to go. Ate fairly light, but still felt stuffed.
- Came home after work determined that if I even felt hungry I would eat something very light. Then, proceeded to dig into the junk still sitting on the coffee table - 2 Reese's peanut butter cups and 3 Riesens.
- Followed by a toasted english muffin with peanut butter and jam.
I feel DISGUSTING!And terrified! So out of control and at this point I don't even know if I can stop it. I'm only hoping by putting this out there that it helps me rein it in. I can't remember the last time I felt so out of control, certainly not for so long.
After the english muffin tonight, I proceeded to clean out my cupboards & fridges. Things were getting really disorganized and I had a ton of stuff to be cleaned out and reogranized. Maybe this will help me???? Maybe it can at least get me back to packing my lunch and preparing more of my own meals. If I don't need to go out for meals then I shouldn't be tempted to pick up the wrong thing. I have lots of good food in my house and I need to use it!
Please, let me get things back in control!
I don't like this feeling ... at all.