I went out for a run last night and just let my mind wander and think. Probably helped that I didn't recharge my Garmin and the battery died right before I started, so I couldn't monitor my pace by that. Why on earth do I set myself up with these expectations? Who am I trying to prove myself to? When will I learn to just be proud of myself?
Then I came home and saw these comments that really made it all sink in:
from Syl ... "Do you think that 175 person you use to be was concerned about time."
from Marcelle ... "so stop asking hubby and belief in yourself. //////// I wonder if we ever get to the stage where we happy with ourselves."
from ajh .... "Give yourself credit for the weight you have lost, the exercise you do, the way you put yourself out there."
There it is ... I'm not happy with myself. But partly because I'm putting huge expectations on me, maybe more than I may ever be capable of. Rather than face that reality, I just get disappointed and I don't try enough to just be the best ME I can be.
And talk about reality check! Would the 175 lbs person I used to be be concerned about time? Absolutely not! When I started running (a mere 2 yrs ago) it was a victory to run for a minute. When I got to 5 minutes I thought I was amazing. And when I managed to run longer than 10 minutes I felt invincible!!!
Yet here I am now, fully expecting to break a PR every single time I run, and not by a little bit, I want to blow it out of the water. Like Syl said today on her post "The only thing I am wary of now is my body catching up to my mind, because my mind tells me that I can run the "boston marathon" but my body is saying "hold on Syl, you are getting ahead of yourself" :-)"
So here is me saying, "Hold on Heidi, you are getting ahead of yourself!"
I need to start viewing myself as I view others. For everyone else I'm jumping in joy over every little victory they accomplish. If someone just finishes a race or stays on plan with their eating for the day I'm super happy for them. I need to do the same for me.
My weight loss however is another matter and I have been sweeping it under a rug and trying not to think about it. The running is the easy part and the results come at this point. I'm struggling to lose (not gain) and so I'm just not talking about it. Not a good approach! I'm not putting near enough effort into it and I don't quite know why. I know that in a few short months it will be warm weather and I want to be comfortable wearing summer clothes. No, I want to look and feel even better than I did last year. I don't want to think about that damn belly roll anymore! I want it GONE!!! I work so hard at my running and my initial reason to start running was to lose fat.
I need to make ALOT more effort in my eating habits and ALOT more effort in true and actual weight loss. I'm going to redo my measurements (which I haven't done in quite some time) and start doing much better record keeping than this half-ass attempt I've been doing for some time now.
Now ... to find the measuring tape ... hhmmmmmmm!!!!!
Hope you're having a great day!
Heidi
♥♥♥♥♥
8 comments:
you know what would fix the roll (the non existant one in my opinion) but either way...P90X :-)
Ducking for cover :-)
Heidi so glad you were able to see what we saw we are always our worst critic, and thanks for quoting me in pink , this makes me feel special :-)
Hey Heidi: I'm soooo behind in my blog reading. I just read your yesterday and today posts. So I guess I don't have to say anything because you seem to have figured it out. Which is great! But I just want to add my two cents anyway because I'm so important that you'll want to know what I'm thinking. :P
The thing that struck me about your first post is your focus on the visual. You must be a very visual person. "do I LOOK that slow, I didn't LOOK good on the horse, I don't like how I LOOK in pictures". I want you to know I totally get this! Appearance is important. Really important. But it's not everything. And to focus too closely on it detracts from all the very amazing things you have accomplished. You may think you're slow but I'd be seriously eating your dust. You may think you weren't doing that well on the horse but how many other people would put in the time and effort to learn that? You may not think you look great in pictures but you're a bit of a babe. For reals. Get used to it.
And most importantly, yes, you are there for everyone else. In a big way. Treat yourself the way you would treat your friends.
♥ u!
I'm glad I was able to help! These blogs are very self affirming in my opinion. It makes you feel not alone. Keep up the good attitude!
fyi...I didn't see a belly roll last year! You were a hot little mama last year, especially in your 'special' bikini!! hahaha
Love ya sissy!
It just take believing in oneself..something we are not taught as children... I struggle with this myself so do understand...
I heard on a tv program yesterday ( Oprah ) that we remain who we were at 6 years old..even into adulthood.
Scary, but if I look at myself...that could be so true.
Your first sentence is the truth! You have accomplished an amazing feat already. Awesome job!
This is a great post with some great advice! And once again, some I needed today as I struggle to be happy with what I have done so far. Thank you! Have a great weekend!
There's so much POWER in this post! You are already a success story. Anything else you do at this point (and I do think you have more to accomplish!) is icing on the calorie-free cake!
Rock ON!
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