Monday, April 4, 2011

Payback is a &*%$#!

Have you ever done something, or not done something, all while knowing that there is going to be a price to pay?  There are going to be consequences.  And the longer you do it (or don't do it), the bigger that payback is going to be.

Well, that's me right now.  I'm there.  Living every moment of that awful feeling knowing that I, and only I, am responsible for the choices I've made.  The way I'm currently feeling is COMPLETELY my doing.  It sucks!

The last two months I've been in a funk.  It started with a lack of interest in running.  No wonder considering I had an injury and just a lack of focus after helping my friend train for a marathon.  I didn't worry too much about the lack of running.  My body needed some rest to heal, it really did.  My weight didn't change and I was still eating healthy, so no big worries.

But, of course, that snowballed.  Eventually my eating habits started taking little hits.  A few less veggies, a little less water, some unhealthy choices.  Somehow I was still getting away with it.  My weight crept up a couple pounds, but I still felt pretty good, still looked fine, and my clothes were still fitting the same.  I was getting away with it ... or so I thought.

We're now going full speed down that slippery slope.  What started as less exercise and a little unhealthy eating has now morphed into a monster who does not exercise, and those bits and bites have turned into a daily habit that includes everything from Snickers bars and red licorice to McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers - sometimes all of the above.

I've hit rock bottom! 

My clothes are tight.  Those "couple" pounds have grown far beyond what I am comfortable carrying as a "few extra".  I'm SICK of feeling full ALL THE BLOODY TIME!!!!!!!  I've forgotten what "hungry" feels like.  I haven't felt a hunger signal in I don't know how long. 

I'm done!

The journals come out again.  The filthy habits stop NOW!  Summer is coming and I won't be comfortable this way.  Heck, I'm not comfortable this way now and it's cold & rainy.

This morning I weighed 154.2, though I FEEL like alot more than that.  I hate being over 150 and really feel best under 147.  Commencing today, I will be reporting my weight every Monday morning. 

Enough is enough .... I'm coming back!



Katie said...

It is hard to get back on track, but once you do it gets a lot easier to stick with it.

Just really try to commit to a few days of healthier eating habits and adding back in exercise. Don't even worry about your weight in the beginning, just focus on getting back to a healthy routine. Focusing on weight in the beginning and then (possibly) not seeing results at first may cause you to backslide again. But if you stick with it you WILL see results and it will become routine again.

The hardest thing is getting back on track after you fall off, but it is worth the extra effort in the beginning :)

Missy said...

Oh girly, I know how you feel! I was living there for MONTHS leading up to my new found love for WW. I'm glad you've hit your "I'm sick of this" faster than I did!! Getting back on track will feel amazing. Good luck lady. We're all here for you!!!

Linzi said...

You are going to be back on track and feeling fab in no time. I know how you feel (I'm dealing with similar feelings) ugh and then I think about my wedding dress. I like that you are using summer to motivate you. Good luck Heidi! And don't forget you have A LOT of support here for you too!

Blubeari said...

It's great that you caught it before it really got out of control (hey, it can ALWAYS be worse)- that is so easy to do!!

Suzy said...

Everyone has their breaking weight. It sounds like you have hit yours. Fill out your journal. Take notes of everything you put in your mouth and you'll be comfortable in your clothes again soon!!!! I just know you can do it.

Anonymous said...

hey heidi!
its so hard to get it back but i know u can do it. u know all the basics and all the stuff to get u back on track!

maybe we can do a virtual challenge or something. let me know.

good luck and looking forward to reading how ur doing!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Syl said...

I hope you find your mojo Heidi. Sometimes life gets in the way and little signals get us back. I hope you can find your passion for running again, you inspire me.

Fran said...

I agree with Syl on the passion for running, you are a running inspiration. And once you're back at running I'm sure the healthy eating will come more easily too.

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now and I know that once you set your heart and mind to something you do it and therefore there's no doubt you are going to do this and look stunning (which you do now too) in Summer.

Good luck, I'll be here to support you!

Susan @ All Things In Moderation said...

I have every faith in you! You've recognized the problem and you know what to do to fix it. And you'll get your all together!!! I know it! You are one one of my running hero's! You inspire me and I'm sure I'm not the only one!

Marcelle said...

This entry you did today is exactly what I fear...I live with this fear hanging over my shoulders when three days go by without me training as I have been down this path so many times during my younger life, losing and gaining...and so it has gone...with having lost and maintaining my weight for nearly two years now that fear still hangs over me ~ I try not live by the number...but desire that it keeps me driven.
I think we all have been where you are during our journey and know you too will get back as its YOU...the new you could never be happy being the old you again....
So...with having said that...Remember you have inspired so many of us with our own running....and that body of yours is hot...
You just need to find yourself again, and from the sounds of things...YOU HAVE AND BACK!!!!

Marlene said...

Rock bottom for me is when I no onger feel hunger or even TASTE the crap I am eating. I have been there many times, girl. Good for you putting it all out there. Time to get your life back!

Nej said...

That post could have been written by me! You'll make it out of this and turn it around. You know how, and you don't have that far to go to get back to where you're comfy. Life is about making adjustments. You'll be fine!!!