Thursday, April 8, 2010

Closet Eating

So ... did I make my run home yesterday????

Sort of!

The rain held off for most of the day and then about an hour before the end of my work day, it started.  I hoped it might fade off, but it kept getting stronger.  Just before it was time to go I called my husband to see if there was any chance he could pick me up ... but he was too far away.  I decided to suck it up buttercup and just do it.  Waiting around the office for him for an hour just wasn't that appealing.

It was gross!  Rain is rain, whatever.  You get stinky and sweaty when you run anyway.  But when the wind howled and the rain felt like ice droplets ... that was gross.  Plus, alot of my route is on a rather busy street and the cars splashing thru the puddles was insane.  Not a pleasant run at all.  If I have to run in the rain I'd much rather it be on a nice trail, or at least quite streets.  Not a busy main street.

But my dear husband changed up his plans a bit and met me about halfway.  At that point I was already soaked to the bone and probably could have just carried on.  It was still nice.

So yeah, I sort of did it ... I sort of wimped out. 

This was a picture in the paper this morning from the results of last nights storm.

Closet Eating

I've admitted in the past that I have struggled with closet eating.  Many people close to me would think that I ate pretty healthy and small portions.  But they didn't see what I indulged in when alone.  The fast food.  The globs of cookie dough.  The snacks eaten out of sight.  The peanut butter jar.

For the most part I have a handle on that now.  Though there are still times when I will sneak something without others seeing it.  I try now to admit to someone around me when I've done it so I have some accountability.  Sometimes it's a friend or family member, sometimes it's on this blog.  Not that they care, but for me I need to know that just because no one saw me eat it doesn't mean it didn't happen.  And I can't feel guilt from it.

Having had this habit ... it's now easier to see in others.

A couple summers ago we went camping and my son's friend came along with us.  Great kid.  He was a fair bit overweight and I knew that he ate a fair bit.  But it wasn't long before I started noticing little things.  I'd find food wrappers in the strangest of places.  Or empty containers neatly stacked as if they hadn't been touched.  I even saw him with his head in the cupboards trying to eat something without anyone seeing.  I knew from experience exactly what he was doing.

Then recently we were with friends.  The husband has a pretty severe weight problem.  I've noticed that he likes to be the one cooking the food, and he likes to cook plenty extra.  One of the most giving people I know in many aspects of his life.  But one day I was preparing a meal for us all.  I made sure to make quite a bit of food, alot more than I would normally.  Just before it was ready, I saw this man tucked away on the other side of his truck, eating the biggest strudel I have ever seen. 

It was just so interesting to me to see this behaviour ... because I know I have experienced it myself.  And it makes me wonder why we do it.  You're not fooling anyone.  You don't become 50, 100, 150 lbs overweight by eating normally.  I also find it fascinating, thinking back, feeling like I was the ONLY person who did this.  That this behaviour was so WEIRD and SHAMEFUL.  Why do we put this guilt on ourselves so unnecessarily?  So often when we think we're alone, we couldn't be farther from the truth.

If you are a closet eater too ... come out of the closet!  The other side is actually pretty good.

Have you conquered closet eating?  What strategies help you to deal with it?


Check out this challenge over at Jen - Prior Fat Girl.  If she can get 500 people to commit to doing 60+ minutes of activity on April 20th, Tony the Anti-Jared, will donate $250 to YMCA Activate America.  I've signed on ... check it out!
Have a great day!



Syl said...

I use to do that too heidi, you are so not alone. Mine would normally be in the car because I was usually alone and there was no one there to witness it. I would stop at the corner store for chips or candy and eat it in my car. This way it was between me and me alone and now one needed to know about it. Crazy if you think about it! I'm glad that I have changed.

Great job on getting out in the rain, even half a run is better than no run, I would bet that your half was alteast 5 km :-).

I made it out for a 7.5 last night, tonight I am taking a rest day :-)

Ashlee Wetherington said...

This is a post that is so honest and true. I was a huge closet eater, and still struggle with it. It's great to know there are other out there who struggle too even though now they're living a healthy lifestyle and have lost a substantial amount of weight!

Anonymous said...

when i started working out and running, my parents were a bit concerned about me. i would go to the gym for like an hour and a half or for 2 hours or go running for an hour. and then i would eat healthy. regular sizes, but just healthy food. And i was loosing weight. You could see it on me that the pounds were dropping. So instead of closet eating, i had to do the opposite. I felt like i had to eat something 'bad' in front of them, or they would bother me. I was never starving myself and would still eat a few chips or a cookie or some ice cream, just in smaller portions. But they thought i had a problem.
I have stopped doing that and now they understand me better. But it was still difficult at first.

Great post!!!

ajh said...

Those pictures from that storm are amazing! Those boats look quite large to be blown on shore! Nice that you got a ride home!

Marcelle said...

Very real and honest entry that I really enjoyed.
I have never eaten on the quiet,unless on the Atkins diet...LOL
I make 100 excuses why its okay to eat something if I get told..* why you eating that *

Missy said...

You made it half way home in the pouring rain - I call that success!!

I am sadly, still, a closet eater. I never was...until I got more serious about losing weight. Prior to that I just ate badly in public. My car got towed on Wednesday. I dealt with it by hiding away in my room wtih a bag of PB m&ms.

I'm going to check back on your comments and get some advice - this is one area I still need help with!

Fran said...

I'm impressed: running in the pouring rain! I bet I would have waited for the hub. Good for you!

I'm a closet eater too. It happens from time to time nowadays but it has been worse and the reason I gained. R. never understood back then how I could gain the weight because I ate normally but I always ate when he was working overtime or candy in my car. I still do it from time to time but it's manageable now.

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...

yep, you know me - you know I struggle with this too! Such a horrible cycle to get into, like we are really fooling others by not eating in front of them. And sadly, we think they really would actually care.