Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Revealing the Truth

As I've been mentioning lately, I've gained weight.  A fair bit (we'll get to that later).

I spent a number of months at the beginning of this year living in a cocoon.  Zapped out by stress and instead of turning to the healthy eating and exercise that lowers stress, I turned to cookies and (as my friend loves to say) "sittin' on the couch letting my ass grow".  Not ideal!

It took me a while to start to get my groove back.  In June I challenged myself to 30 Days of Activity.  This was definitely the moment where things started to turn.  I finally began to get active again.  I'm now at what I call my "Happy Activity Level".  I'm exercising most days, getting a good variety in, and for the most part enjoying it.

So ... what's left?  I gotta get this weight off.  Now, for the revealing moment.  While I have been pretty open that weight has been gained, I'm pretty darn sure numbers have not been mentioned.  You may have noticed there has been a significant reduction in pictures of me in quite some time.  That is because I can not stand to look at myself in pictures right now.  No, I don't think I'm disgusting, but I am not happy with where I am compared to where I was.

I have gained .... 21 lbs since February.  At least 15 of that was gained in a 3 month stint.  That is a pretty short time period to put on that much weight.  My weight as of yesterday morning was 164.2 lbs.  Sharing this is a hard pill for me to swallow, but it's time to get it out there in the open.

During bootcamp yesterday I revealed these numbers to my friend during our warm-up run.  She was actually shocked and didn't realize it was that much.  She asked me if I had not lost ANYTHING with all this exercise we've been doing - which the answer is not only NO, but that I have gained a bit more.  It's all about what I'm eating.

I can NOT gain anymore weight.  Any more and I will not fit into my clothes, and I can NOT afford (mentally or financially) to shop for new "fat" clothes.

While it's sad and frustrating to have let myself go this far, at the moment I'm actually past that.  I'm not wallowing in it anymore, which is why I'm finally sharing.  I'm mad and ready to take action.

Yesterday was successful.  I planned out my meals for the day, and even though some logistical problems derailed the supper I had planned to make, I made adjustments and stayed within plan.  My life will ALWAYS need adjustments.  I just have to want this bad enough and do what is best for ME.

Please ... feel free to ride me.  Nag me.  Ask me constantly how I'm doing.  I can not hide this weight gain behind a screen anymore.  It's real and it needs to be dealt with.



Syl said...

Oh sweetie it happens to the best of us. I have been going through the same thing although I have maintanined, not really sure how. But I definately feel less strong, I feel sluggish and I don't like the way my clothes fit either. Pictures I try to avoid lately and to me it's a mental thing. If I don't workout I feel like crap period the end!
I had a chat with Peter the other day and said "what happened to your weight goal...I'm still waiting". This hit me hard because not only had I disappointed myself but I felt that I disappointed him.
Maybe you an me can come up with a a 30 day active challenge combined with tracking for 30 days? What's a month ? think about it my friend and message me or maybe you have some other idea.
hang in there friend, I am extremly proud of you for facing and admitting to something so hard to admit.

Nikki said...

Hmm, can I get in on your guys' 30 day challenge? My big frustration of the moment is the "gut", "muffin top" and "thunder thighs" I have acquired as of late. Couple that with my disappearing boobs (thanks breastfeeding!) and I'm not too thrilled with the old figure these days! Good job facing up to it, sometimes a reality check is enough to kick you in the pants and get things done!

Fran said...

I'm not going to lie: it is a lot to gain in a couple of months. Been there the year my Dad died. But what's done is done and you're ready to take action and that's what counts.

Of course I will help you by asking how you are doing.

As you said in your comment on my post yesterday you, Syl and I are in the same boat these days it seems. Like you my exercise is good again but the food intake not. So I will join you.
It's funny that I just had a talk with a colleague of mine who has heard from her doctor yesterday that she needs to lose a bit of weight and I told her I would join you.

But you will have to wait till tomorrow before I join you because tonight I have a dinner date with my BF and we're going for Mexican food.

Good luck Heidi, you can do this. You took action with your activity and succeeded and you will with this too.

Lynsey said...

Get after it girl. You know how to do this!

Marlene said...

I have been there. EXACTLY there. I was running, working out, exercising like crazy but letting myself gain weight because I was eating the wrong things and too much of it. It's cruel how quickly and easily the weight goes on when it is SO HARD to get it off.

You have put it out there now - the accountability will help. You can lose that weight again!

Missy said...

It's hard...but isn't the truth freeing? Gaining weight is hard - really hard when you've worked so hard to take it off. But life has ups and downs. Good for you for acknowledging your gain and asking for help from all of us to get it moving. You and I both know you can do this. You CAN DO THIS. One decision at a time...

Marcelle said...

You will be fine from here, I find admitting something is what one needs to do to give you that extra from here I know you are going to be okay.....

Anonymous said...

What I like about think post is that you are being honest with your situation and you are doing something about it. You are kicking butt at all these workouts and bootcamps...and something will change. And when it does it will be like a huge change all once. Atleast that seems how it happens...nothing..nothing..then BAM!
Hang in there and just keep pushing forward!

Anonymous said...

I feel ya on the weight gain. It's a scary thing, for sure. You're doing the right thing and no time to start like the present. You'll get back on track, I'm sure of it.