Thursday, March 5, 2009

Inner Demons

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever like my reflection. Actually that's wrong, I know I have in the past, but some days why is it that seeing yourself in a mirror or window (or in photos) makes you want to puke.

I'd say in general I'm fairly comfortable with my looks. Sometimes I'll even be feeling really good, then WHAM, one unexpected glance and it's like - who the heck is that?

I had one of those days yesterday.

Got to my fitness class and was actually feeling better than I have in about a week. Then I caught my reflection in the window as we were jogging around the room and it hit me like a brick wall. All I could think was 'why did I leave the house wearing these clothes'. Which was stupid because I've worn the exact same thing before, at the same size, and I've thought I looked pretty good.

What is going on in my head to make me suddenly feel repulsed by my appearance? And why would I allow myself to think of me like that? I don't think of others like that. In fact it's other people who have dressed in fitted workout clothes that didn't have 100% perfect bodies that inspire me and make me feel like if they can be comfortable wearing it, so should I. I can see that people who wear fitted workout wear look better than those in sloppy, loose t-shirts. So why would I suddenly be so judgemental of myself? So eager to cover up?

I think I need to stick my head in a freezer for a few days until it starts cooperating!


syl said...

oh Heidi, it was like you were typing what was in my head!
I have been there!
So many people have said wow you look great, yet somedays I just see that good old muffin top! I just can't escape it.

I went shopping yesterday and I find that always helps put things into perspective, even if you don't buy anything, realizing that you are a size smaller, or something feels better makes all the difference.

You are doing an amazing job and you are such a positive person, keep up the good work, today is a new day!

oh and p.s. I LOVE the purple top!

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...


Isn't it crazy how much of a rollercoaster emotions can be? One day can be great and we are luvin' ourselves and the next day is yucky! Sorry to hear you had a yucky day - keep smiling & knowing you look amazing!